Family
A collection of musings on Iris from family. Quotes are attributed.
After recently chronicling the 57-years that Iris and I were together, I have now been ruminating about the last three weeks of Iris’s life spent in the hospital. After 4 days in the E.R., Iris was finally able to transfer to a lovely room, where she was attended to by caring doctors and nurses. Given the swift progression of her illness and complications from COVID which she developed in the hospital, a palliative & hospice care approach seemed to be best for Iris in the days and weeks ahead. In the face of this sad reality during her hospital stay, there were a few occurrences that affirmed her uniquely beautiful human character and irrepressibly loving spirit.
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In her final days, Iris dictated words to me for her grandson, Oliver. She described all the activities (mostly having to do with their shared experiences on nature walks and in the making of art) that both she and Oliver relished doing together over a two-year period during the pandemic. She also dictated a letter to Iris’s three closest dance therapy colleagues (all mentored by Blanche Evan) on the west coast, in which she updated them about her medical turn of events, conveying, in a somewhat tongue-and-cheek manner, her “grim” predicament, and expressed deep gratitude and love for their decades-long friendship and dedicated collaborations. Iris made this last heartfelt communication with them upbeat and hopeful.
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Iris dictated some fragmentary notes to me about her two decades of collage making. In a semi-dream state, Iris mused about her collages, and how the juxtaposition of their disparate elements that she arranged within them represented a poetic synthesis of very personal, aesthetic and evocative materials.
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With so many of Iris’s collages, photos, cherished volumes of literature & the arts, professional archival materials, along with a multitude of her treasured items surrounding me in our Lewisburg home, I will forever remember Iris’s kindness, empathy, generosity, authenticity, concern for others, deep friendships, artistic imagination, creativity, beauty, embodied spirit (i.e. dance!) and love that so enriched our 57 years together.
All my love, Bob Gainer
We will always miss Iris, our dear sister-in-law. We loved discussing books, poetry, politics, child-development, gardening - and just about everything - with her. She was a curious and lively person with a lively imagination and a gentle personality. We admired her creativity, her commitment to dance therapy, and her devotion to her family and friends.
Hal and Ruth Gainer
We each have beautiful memories of Iris that we will carry in our hearts.
She was such a kind and loving person.
Jesse Gainer and Nancy Valdez-Gainer
I remember Iris as a highly intelligent, creative, sensitive, vibrant and caring person. Her compassion for others was evidenced in every aspect of her interactions with people.
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Events like these serve to remind me of those important connections and the value of relationships with family which outweigh the passage of time. May you derive comfort and strength from those around you and know how deeply Iris expressed love through her positive influence on her family and world community. She will always be loved and never forgotten.
Rolf Gainer
Iris was my cousin. I think 2nd cousin though I’ve never been sure about the cousin order. Iris’ father, Barney was my father’s uncle. Barney was an important person for my father, whose dad Ben passed away at an early age. Barney, Ben’s younger brother was something of a surrogate father for my dad. This made Uncle Barney an important person in my family and that specialness extended for me to Iris.
My first recollection of a meeting with Iris was when I’ll guessing she was about 13. I had limited if any contact with her until many years later. Laura and I attended the wedding party to celebrate Bob and Iris’ marriage. We spoke by phone, usually on Thanksgiving, and shared updates about our lives and families. She came to Maine in 2013 for our daughter Julia’s marriage to David. That visit was so special.
I regret not knowing her better and spending more time with her. What I knew was a warm, caring, passionate, alive women. Our conversations were almost always joyful, despite her recent health challenges. Our Iris garden in Maine will always remind me of her vibrancy and bright color.
Written and sent with great love.
Michael Rifkin
Iris was the youngest of 16 cousins. I was more than 5 years older than Iris (I'm now going to be 85, and Iris was going to be 79), and as kids, she looked up to me as an older cousin. I was always very fond of her and thought of her as my baby sister. Our entire family was incredibly close, and as kids into our teenage years, we constantly visited each others' homes, vacationed in the Hamptons together (where Iris's parents rented a summer place), and our relatives always got together to celebrate the holidays. Because the cousins & relatives were so close and constantly travelled to visit each other, they called themselves "the gypsies."
When I got married to Marvin, Iris was the bridesmaid at my wedding. After we had our two boys Glen & Jeffrey, we continued to visit Iris & her parents up in Connecticut - everyone adored Uncle Barney, Iris's Dad, and Aunt Vivian, cared about & gave gifts to our boys.
More than any of the other relatives, Iris and I always kept in touch with me throughout the years. She was always so kind, never complained about anything and was a friend to everybody. I only have very good memories of Iris - and will miss her so very much. Our lives will always be left with both the loss and the love of dear Iris.
Deanna Susskind
